The Oxymoron of Toxic Positivity

my most natural state is in a library with coffee

Hey guys! Today we’re going to talk about the concept of toxic positivity and its affects on mental health. Toxic positivity might sound strange to you if you don’t know what it is. How can positivity be toxic? Isn’t it just about being happy? Well, sort of, but that’s the issue.

Have you ever been anxious about a situation and someone says “just calm down” or “stop being stressed”. Or perhaps you’re sad and someone’s advice to you is “just smile” or “look on the bright side!” These statements, though you may think they’re helping, actually invalidate mental health. Telling someone to smile through their depression makes them feel as if its their fault they feel the way they do, and if they just tried to be positive everything would be fine. It places the blame on the person suffering instead of helping them to reach out for the help they need.

Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

To truly get past something, you often just need to let yourself feel it. The only real way to get through things is to get through them by actually dealing with it. Using this concept of only looking at things in a positive way forces you to push your feelings down until, eventually, you snap.

Glorifying trauma does more harm than good. There’s not always a silver lining…and that’s okay, which is something you don’t hear a lot. I know Kelly Clarkson wants you to think that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and if it does, that’s great. But that’s not always how it goes.

I've gone through things that I shouldn't have had to go through. For some people, the positive outlook helps, but for me, it didn't. Whenever someone told me "well everything happens for a reason" it just made me mad because what was the reason? When I realized that sometimes there just isn't one, it felt like being set free.

I don’t believe people who are kind to me because I always assume there’s an ulterior motive. I always assume people are lying to me and are only out to hurt me. That’s not going to go away just because I try to see it positively. People tell me I’m stronger now because of it, and maybe I am. I’m more resilient than I ever thought I was: that’s true. But I’m still picking up the pieces every single day. I’m still putting myself back together, and I don’t know when it will end. I also know that I’ll never be able to be who I was before again.

On the flip side though, I shouldn’t have to be strong and resilient like that. Resilience is a good trait because life will always find a way to knock you down, but it’s not the same as coming back from trauma. It’s painful and it’s hard, and it doesn’t always go away when you want it to.

Maybe that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s the cold, hard truth. For me, this was refreshing to hear the first time I realized the simple truth that it’s okay not to be okay.

That’s not to say that you should go through life negatively and not try to heal. You should seek help when you need it, and you should try to get through it, but it’s okay to acknowledge that what happened to you wasn’t good in any way, and that you don’t have to try to look at it in a positive way.

Healing is something that should come on your own terms. At some point you do have to pick yourself up and try to put the pieces back together. That’s resilience. But the point is that this shouldn’t have happened to make you stronger. Don’t get me wrong, you ARE strong, and you ARE capable of healing and getting through it. But the only way through is through. You have to let yourself feel it, and no one can tell you that’s not okay.

Let me know your thoughts on toxic positivity and whether you agree or disagree.